


50 Shades of Tea

by AfflictedwithAlliteration



Series: Cotton Candy [5]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: All the Tea, All the puns, Alternate Universe - Underswap (Undertale), Fluff and Humor, Genderneutral, Loooooong end notes, Looooooooots of tea, Maybe a smidge of drama?, Muffets Shop, No Plot/Plotless, Polyamory, Reader-Insert, Semi-non Linear Narrative, Tea Puns, The chapters are not...in order? There is no order, You love tea, cursing, nonsensical
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:27:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22832521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AfflictedwithAlliteration/pseuds/AfflictedwithAlliteration
Summary: Who could resist working at a tea shop?  Certainly not you.Who could resist finding the perfect tea for everyone who came in? Not you, you loved a challenge.Who could resist falling in love? Not yo-wait what?
Relationships: Papyrus (Undertale)/Reader, Sans (Undertale)/Reader
Series: Cotton Candy [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1117524
Comments: 59
Kudos: 149





	1. Mandarin Needles

You wiped down the counter and eyed the skeleton in front of you. He came to the shop almost every day after the initial hubbub of a new monster shop died down. It was mostly regulars who lined the small tea shop now, leaving you managing most weekday shifts on your own. It wasn’t hard and when it was slow you could read and drink your own tea. But that was a crucial point, you drank _tea_.

“Got a bone to pick with me?”

You jumped, the cloth falling to the floor. It’s a good distraction to collect yourself as you bend down to grab it then toss it into the bucket of water. Awkwardly you shake your head, even if the question is on the tip of your tongue.

“Really?” His brow bone raised as he spoke. You’d given up understanding monster anatomy after meeting Muffet, which had been an ordeal itself. It’s the most ridiculous stare off you’ve ever gotten yourself in and you finally drop your gaze, resting it on the bottle of honey in his hand. It’s enough to loosen your lips.

“This is a tea shop.”

His brows go higher. “Never noticed.”

“I—“ Your words hit your own ears and you groan then try again. “Do you not like tea?”

His face relaxes into the same bland smile he always seems to wear but he makes a point to sip the honey before replying. 

“Can’t say it’s tea-rrific.”

You blink several times, unsure if you want to laugh of die of second-hand embarrassment before you ignore the pun entirely, just as you had the previous ones. 

“Have you even tried it?” It’s not like you care if he drinks the tea, you just don’t understand why he sits in a tea shop, all day, and never drinks any. You thought he went for Muffet but he was there even on days she wasn’t. Still, your brow dips a bit and his raises again. He owes the shop an unholy amount of money for the honey he drinks, and only sometimes pays for.

“Nope.”

“Ok-wait, seriously?”

“Yup.” 

For several moments there’s silence as you stare at him before you realize he’s telling the truth. You have so many questions as to why in the hell he goes to a tea shop for honey but instead you reach for one of the samples until he stops you.

“Kettle down, honey, I’m not about to start drinking it today.”

You’ve already broken customer service mode, and you’re sure he likes Muffet enough to keep coming regardless of you. At least that’s what you blame your next words on.

“Who even comes up with those? They’re horrible.” 

“Well aren’t you a chat-tea one.”

“Did you Google these before you came?”

He actually snickers at that before shaking his head, “What can I say? I’ve got quali-tea humor.”

You smother the laugh that wants to escape at that one, but his smug expression says he heard it anyway. You shake your head, then gesture to the samples.

“You sure you don’t want to try one? You know, to add to the honey?”

“M’good sweet-tea.”

This time you don’t smother the laugh. 

* * *

As you close up shop, the empty honey bottle taunting you from the trash, it still bothers you. There is no real reason why. Not everyone likes tea, it’s probably just because he is literally in a place that is specifically for tea and refuses to drink anything but the honey. Either way when you begin to set out the cold brews for the night, you find yourself staring at the wall of tea. His ridiculously bright jacket, the honey bottle, and suckers spring to mind. Bright orange, soft yellow pastels. You purse your lips then move the infusions, their bright, sweet scents drowning you but you find the one you’re looking for, carefully getting one of the smaller, personal pots and filling it before you lock up.

* * *

He’s in by the end of the morning rush. Now all that’s left is the people who settle in for the free refills and wi-fi. But you don’t rush to make the drink. You actually find yourself sticking to the other side of the counter until you need to refill the refill station and hesitate, your gaze following him as he continues his routine of swiping all the honey off the counter. Finally, he gaze catches yours, and you freeze like you’ve been caught stealing.

“Gonna mean mug me all day again?”

“I made you tea!” You blurt instead of denying it, excited suddenly because he’s on his second sucker of the morning, and the faint citrus scent of it lingers on his breath. He might like the tea! You can’t be certain of your expression but the pot in your hand creaks under the tension, and he laughs. 

“Guess I’ll give it a chai.” He rolls his shoulders and you grin before darting back to get the tea. 

It’s easy to slip into customer service mode now. This is what you’re used to, finding a tea someone likes. You take the pot with the tea, then fill another with a bit of water, grab a cup and tray and practically skip back to the front. 

He watches you like someone watching an entertaining sitcom, but you can’t be offended all things considered, just continue to set up the tea. As you move things around you finally pour a base of cold water into the cup and begin speaking like you’ve rehearsed it. 

“This is actually mostly an infusion, but you can call them fruit teas or herbal teas. This one,” You open pour it over the water, the soft scent of mango hitting your nose the strongest. “is mango, mandarin oranges, papayas, pineapple, apple, lemongrass and marigold but I mixed it with silver needle. It tastes fine by itself but-“ you eye the bottle of honey in his hand and hold out your own. He gives it and his gaze is now on the soft yellowish tea in the glass cup. The color vivid but soft in the light, and why you’d chosen the glass set. The honey you pour into the cup swirling between the water and tea until you pick up the stirrer. “a bit of honey really makes it pop for a sweet tooth.”

Finished you tap the side, breaking the calm that always accompanied mixing any tea and slid the cup to the skeleton. He eyes it for a minute then reaches, instinctively you know he’s going to chug it and a small huff slips out before you can stop it. 

“Something on your mind?”

“…sip it.” You sigh. “If you chug it you won’t taste it.”

He may not have lips but his smile twitches before he does just that. People who already like tea, always have an expression of something like relief when they taste a new delicious tea. People like the skeleton tended to have the expression his wore now, a mix of slight confusion, curiosity and surprise. Not always, because not everyone liked tea no matter how you preached its tastiness, but enough that you felt a smug smile tug at the corners of your mouth when you see his. Mixed with honey, the tea might as well have been liquid candy.

“Well?” You prompt after a few minutes of staring him down. He shakes his head a bit and sets the cup down.

“Gotta hand it to you, that is pretty tast-tea.”

Your eyes narrow at the emphasis on the last part of the word, but you smile still, content. If he had been humoring you before, his hands reaching to pour another cup told you he liked it enough, even if you frowned when half the cup was filled with syrup this time. Snorting you began to walk away, calling over your shoulder. 

“I’ll just add it to your tab.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my self-indulgent tea based fiction. Where there is an ungodly amount of tea, sweetened with romance. For today's tea we have:
> 
> Teavanas Mandarin Mimosa 
> 
> and
> 
> Silver Needle (Fresh)
> 
> Anyone whose drank Teavana tea knows their teas are soft, they smell wonderful but have a very light taste (concentrates are the way to go when making their teas-which is why reader adds water to the tea). That said, the light taste, especially in their infusions, make a great drink that tastes a bit like juice for people who aren't huge tea fans. 
> 
> Because it has such a soft taste, with the faint kick of citrus, it pairs well with Silver Needle. Silver Needle can taste one of two ways, fresh is soft and mellow with hints of vanilla or aged, smooth and mellow with hints of honey. Depending on what you're going for, they make a great "sweetener" with any tea and smooth out bitterness from most accidental over-steeps.
> 
> How did we make this tea today?
> 
> Cold-brew! It's practically impossible to over-steep a cold-brew and, in my opinion, fruit infusions are best served and made cold.
> 
> Why a glass tea set?
> 
> Part of the art of tea is the aesthetic. In cases for cold brew, I love glass pots and cups. You can see the water change color, and the tea float around, and if you make it in a well-light room it's very pretty to watch. And I love watching tea be poured into a glass cup like it's changing the color, and makes it look like sea glass!
> 
> Sweeteners?
> 
> For today we used honey, though in my mind we used a light honey mixed with warm water. It basically tastes the same as plain syrup. Depending on your tea you may want a darker honey, but either way, when adding sweeteners to cold brews, syrups are the way to go (homemade or store bought). Otherwise you'll end up with a grainy tea!


	2. Oolong

“Papyrus?”

You echo the word like it’s foreign before the face of a skeleton appears in your mind’s eye. It makes sense, considering the new skeleton in front of you is the one looking for him. You shake your head slowly.

“Haven’t seen him today, but he doesn’t usually come in until after one of the rushes.” You don’t add that he never leaves after. Just sits. And drinks all your honey, at least now he sometimes flavors it with tea. Because you should not have to order honey every supply order, but here you were. 

This new skeletons fingers drum on the counter, you think he’s impatient, but his face is still smiling and cheerful. Just fidgety, pacing around the counter since he’d come in. You awkwardly shifted from foot to foot before gesturing to nearest open seat. 

“Do you want to wait for him?”

“HM. I-“ You’re not sure what expression you make as he begins speaking again but he pauses before trying again, taking the seat though now his foot taps insistently, this time quieter—but not by much. “For A Bit.”

* * *

A bit turns out to be over an hour, then he’s back at it, pacing the shop, making small talk. It’s not bothersome but…what is it with the skeletons and not drinking tea in a tea shop? He’d been there for three hours and hadn’t ordered a thing, food or otherwise. Which was fine. Muffet had an open-door policy probably because it was easier to let the wi-fi thieves in than to try and weed them out. Totally fine. But he drew your gaze every few minutes, and you really just wanted to shove him in a seat with a mug of tea.

He’d make a great server if he was doing anything aside from flitting around the shop like a loud, blue bird. You’re not sure if he’s anxious or nervous or incapable of being still but his pacing is driving you crazy. So when he finally sits, you let out the tiniest sigh of relief, corning him before he can get up again.

“Do you want something to drink while you wait?”

“Actually I Drink” he flushes a bit, embarrassed, his voice lowering to what is probably a whisper for him but is finally indoor volume. At the very least it doesn’t carry far. “ _coffee._ ”

Of course he does. One likes to drink all your honey and the other likes coffee. Still, you snort out a laugh at the look on his face. Like he’s committed some grave offense and wave him off. You'd never cared for the stuff yourself but ina pinch you drank it. This was his pinch. 

“Do you drink it with milk?”

“I’m Sorry?”

“Your coffee?” You ask, heading toward the black teas. Trying to recall which most of the coffee addicts preferred when they found out there was never any coffee in the shop. “Do you drink it with milk or sugar?”

“Erm. Nothing. But You Don’t Have To Get Me Anything!”

“On the house.” Or more likely, Papyrus’ tab. Either way, it gives you something to do while he frets at the counter. No longer worrying about his late brother but the tea he looks certain he won't like. Maybe he won't but he'll try it. At least so he'll stay still. You hope. “I like having people try tea, unless you really don’t want to?”

“Oh No! Of Course, I Am Always Happy To Try New Things!” 

It sounds a little defensive. You wonder how many badly made teas he’s had before as you grab the Oolong. You hesitate at the tea pots but finally grab a clay one, another small pitcher, the cups and the kettle. Carefully you carry them over, the tea ware clicking lightly over the slots in the tray. 

“Have you had tea before?”

He winces, “Yes.”

“Was it bitter?”

“Uh…No. It Was…It Was Delicious!”

“It was burnt.” You retort, “Or over-steeped. Tea shouldn't be bitter.”

He blinks, and you dial it back a few notches, filling your kettle in silence as you set the temperature then shift the cups and pot around. It’s small, perfect for what you planned. Something to keep him still, and something to drink because judging by a few faces, it’s not just you that his pacing bothers. Plus, you can't help but want to give him an experience. If all the tea he had sucked, you wanted this one to leave an stronger impression.

Smiling you finish prepping then begin speaking like you've flipped a switch. Customer service mode: on.

“Tea," you begin slowly, keeping your voice soft between the two of you, "is temperature specific and steep specific and this is Wuyi Oolong.” You glance at the kettle then begin to add the leaves to the pot. “It’s a popular black tea, one of the oldest, but most importantly, it doesn’t need anything added to it.” The kettle buzzes softly and you pour the water into the pot, overflowing it, setting the lid down then pouring more on top in small circles. It trickles into the bottom of the tray and the skeleton watches with an odd expression. “It’s meant to do that.”

The steam wafts off it and wait a few seconds then strain the tea into the pitcher and continue talking. As you do you pour the washed tea into the cup then refill the pot once more then pour the left-over wash on the pot as well.

“Oolong is meant to be infused several times, like this, and it tastes better each time. But I usually like the first cup the best.” You grin at the skeleton who now looks more interested, the scent of the wash hitting your nose. You should have grabbed the aroma cups but you'd forgotten. As you wait for the tea you grab your tongs and tilt the water out of the cup across the tray then pour the pot into the pitcher once more. Finally, you pour a bit of the tea into the small cup and hand it to the skeleton with tongs. “First infusion.”

“Is The Cup Hot?”

“Take it from the rim and drink it slowly, when you're done, steep it again for a little longer," he sniffs it like it's poison and you smother a laugh but don't hide your grin, “and don’t forget to slurp it.”

He looks almost scandalized at the thought, and with how loud he is you're honestly surprised _that_ is what bothers him. But you nod encouragingly and he sips it with a slurp far louder than needed and you snort. But you can't really appreciate the sigh of relief he gives when it obviously tastes good because there are stars. Literal stars, in his eyes as he takes the next sip. 

"It's Not Coffee But It's Good!"

You snort again, finally tearing your eyes away from his, "I thought you might like it."

By the time Papyrus finally comes in, Sans—he'd introduced himself on the third pot—has bought a small tin of the Oolong and you are grinning smugly at no one when they leave.

* * *

The next time Sans comes in he orders his drink to go, and you hand him the cup with a smile. He didn't come everyday, and you were sure he still loved coffee but he still made time to come in at least once a week.

"What Kind Is This?" There is an eagerness in his voice that can't be hidden, and it makes you smile. Converting one after another, you shoot Muffet a smug glance that she ignores as she helps the next monster in line.

"High Mountain, it's different than normal." 

"I Will Inform You Of My Judgement Next Time." 

He seemed to enjoy trying teas as much as you did, so you supposed you could forgive him for the coffee breaks in-between visits. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For todays tea:
> 
> Oolong(s)
> 
> Unlike most green teas or white teas, this is fermented. It is the middle ground between black and green, the darker being closest to black and the lightest closest to green. Oolongs only get better with each infusion, and are still lovely when steeped. It's one of the black teas that really doesn't need anything added to it when brewed properly but the flavors vary...a lot (from floral to almost smokey). I prefer the sweet, toasty Oolongs, a rich wake up in the mornings that usually goes over well with robust coffee drinkers.
> 
> Wuyi vs High Mountain (or Gaoshan)
> 
> Wuyi is roasty and toasty tasting, fairly robust and one of the older known Oolongs and a great introduction. High Mountain is not to my personal taste but is the light and more floral of the Oolongs, very smooth and herbal it tends to linger on the palate. 
> 
> Why clay?
> 
> Well, first, because traditionally it is often made with clay pots. Second, is entirely down to preference. If you want multiple infusions to take your time and taste all it has to offer? Small, clay pot, often with Gong Fu style tea making. Clay also tends to retain the flavors of the tea over time which just adds to the taste. 
> 
> Why Gong Fu?
> 
> There are plenty of traditions and ceremonies surrounding teas and how to prepare them. While I am no master tea preparer, I often attempt some form of Gong Fu for relaxation, focus, and because the process itself is soothing. It's technical meaning is along the lines of "doing something well" and there are various adaptions of this style (though there is nothing like watching a master do it). Plus who doesn't love slurping their tea and making a clean mess with water?
> 
> Gong Fu can include:
> 
> Washing the tea/cups/pot, warming the cups and the pot, multiple infusions, tongs, slotted trays and aroma cups. Don't forget a tea pet!
> 
> Temperature & Steeping
> 
> While there are guidelines to tea, there are no rules you _have_ to follow, however, water at the wrong temp? Burned tea and it messes with the tannins in the tea, it's why it's often found to be bitter or taste bland (like overcooking meats). But even with the right temperature, over-steeping leads to over release of tannins in the teas which is why sometimes they taste tart and sharp (aka still bitter as all hell). 
> 
> Some people do prefer over-steeped tea, and some never taste the difference in burnt tea vs not. But if you want to truly try and enjoy tea, try making it at the right temp and steep correctly for the best flavor. You'll be surprised how often it means you need to add nothing else!


	3. Matcha Ado About Nothing

The house is small but much larger than yours. Does a townhouse even count? You aren't sure but it's just...more than you expected. The skeletons were so different from each other you hadn't even thought they'd live together let alone how or where or in what, and you pull your bag closer to you. The jars inside protest, clanking angrily, their weight reminding you that you don't want to stand outside all day. But you still hesitate to knock. Was this bad business? You _had_ been invited but still...

"Why the Oolong face?"

Your entire body tenses, eyes wide before Papyrus is leaning on his own front door beside you, sucker in his mouth, and a grin on his face. As your heart stops pounding, you are tempted to smack it out of his mouth like a child then you register what he said and fight not to roll your eyes. The easiest way to make his puns stop is by ignoring them entirely. 

"I was going to knock."

"Sure you were."

"I was!"

"That for, Sans?" He opens the door as he says it, loud enough that it's an announcement and the smell of...tacos? Hitting your nose intensely. Sans did like everything strong it seemed, even his seasonings. You don't want to be nosey but your gaze roves as Papyrus takes the bag, staring at it in disbelief when it clunks then he laughs. "Did you seriously bring tea?"

"Did you think I wouldn't?" You're a bit smug, and maybe defensive but you weren't about to show up to lunch without bringing something. Besides, you want to see if they liked it and you hadn't been able to get Papyrus to try one since the first tea you'd offered. 

"HELLO! PAPYRUS DON'T MAKE OUR GUEST STAND IN THE HALLWAY, HONESTLY, IT'S LIKE I NEVER TAUGHT YOU MANNERS."

As Sans leads you to the kitchen, the taller still carrying the bag of tea, you take in the house some more. The furniture is simple, and not cluttered and...is that a sock? But you don't have time to dwell when your eyes hit the table. The spread is enough to feed a small army of children and then some. But it honestly looks-

"It looks amazing!"

The shorter flushes blue, "Y-YES...WELL, OF COURSE IT IS. I MADE IT, AND THE MAGNIFICENT SANS IS THE BEST COOK."

* * *

"It's tea-rrible."

"Like your puns, seriously, where are you even finding these?"

"DON'T BE RUDE! AND I THINK IT TASTES GOOD...WITH THE FOOD, OF COURSE."

You snort. You're not honestly that surprised, matcha is a strong drink at the best of times but it made for something light with lunch and you couldn't resist having tea with almost any meal. The look the tallers face was worth it too, he looked as it he had been betrayed by everything he held dear. You preferred when people like your tea but sometimes those faces were just as entertaining...and maybe Muffet had suggested it since a certain skeleton had yet to pay the weeks tab. But even as he scolds Sans replaces his brothers drink and makes you another taco. It's almost like being at a restaurant with how attentive he is. 

"It's not for everyone, matcha is..." you think for a moment, "remember when I told you tea shouldn't be bitter?"

"YES!"

"This one is, or it kind of is. I think it's more tart than bitter but it's meant to taste that way. I actually use in when I make Italian pasta!"

"YOU LIKE TO COOK TOO?!"

"Only sometimes, there's certain foods I really want and I don't want to have to go out and buy them, you know? Doesn't taste the same."

"Knew a bone-a-fide tea fanatic would put it in their food too."

There's a pun in there somewhere and you find Sans giving Papyrus the same look you are. Because that wasn't even a tea pun, can't he at least stick to one topic if he was going to torment you? But your lips twitch even as you stuff the food into your mouth to smother the groan that wants to escape. 

"Well, it's delicious and you should try it."

"That sounds horrible, hun."

"I WOULD LIKE TO TRY IT!"

"When we do lunch next time? I'll make it?"

Both come out as a question because you aren't even sure why you're here now, so you don't know it they'd want to eat with you again.

"THEN IT'S ANOTHER DATE!"

"Sure thing."

Wait.

"What?"

"WHAT WHAT?"

"This...is this a date?"

"YES."

"Yup."

"I...really?" You try to go back and remember everything that lead up to you being here but you can't recall. Mostly you're surprised because you also...don't know who you're on a date with? And you can't quite decide how you feel. But in the several beats of silence that follow, Sans whips his head between you and his brother then literally face palms before fixing his brother with The Look. You know it because Muffet gives it to you every time you break a tea cup.

"EXPLAIN YOURSELF! YOU SAID THE HUMAN KNEW!"

Papyrus just shrugs, giving you a lazy grin. "I asked her if she wanted lunch with us, since she's always giving you free tea. She said sure."

"I-YOU-THAT IS _NOT_ HOW YOU ASK SOMEONE FOR A DATE!"

"She's here ain't she?"

You cut the skeleton off before his blue face can explode, he looks more embarrassed than you feel. And a bit like he might throw a taco at Papyrus. "It's fine!"

"IT IS NOT FINE, WE-"

"I don't mind."

"See?" He's smug and you steal his water, leaving him only with the tea before continuing. 

"No, I don't. I was just...surprised and I don't, um, I don't know who I'm on a date with?"

The skeletons share a look.

"BOTH OF US."

"Both of us, sugar."

There's another few beats of silence before you open and close your mouth several times then quietly take a long drag of the water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, the comment about matcha in pasta is actually what inspired this, and it was originally gonna be a one-shot with classic Papy. 
> 
> Todays tea:
> 
> Matcha
> 
> Unlike most teas, matcha is made with a finely ground powder that is, obviously, a green tea. This Japanese tea is strong, frothy, and has a creamy almost grass-like taste. There is said to a be a "secret" fifth note to it that is often the astringent after taste it is well known for. People either tend to love it or hate, either way, it is a very, very strong tea! 
> 
> All tea has a grade, and matcha is no different. Higher grade matcha has a blue-green tint, while lower is yellow-brown. Mind though, the lower grades are the most tart.
> 
> Because it has such a leafy, almost veggie taste and the kick at the end, this tea tends to pair really well with pastas (and is quite a few pasta recipes), meats, and even better with vignettes! 
> 
> Making Matcha
> 
> While you're more than welcome to toss matcha powder in a cup then shake or stir or however, the traditional method is popular as well, even today!
> 
> To prepare matcha traditionally is an art but it can be done at home. First heat your water then warm your matcha bowl, empty and add the desired amount of matcha powder (I add through a sifter to rid it of any clumps) then add water. Whisk to mix, then add more water and whisk until you have a fine (or thick) froth, the desired whisk motion is zig-zagged. 
> 
> Matcha sets
> 
> Different sets have different items but you want a matcha bowl and a bamboo whisk. A small scoop is common, and even a scoop for water, a caddy and a cloth (though these are usually for formal ceremonies and won't come with most sets).
> 
> Other styles
> 
> People who don't drink it as a tea, season their food, make smoothies, lattes, etc with it to their taste. In terms of tea, it is amazingly versatile!


	4. Almost Proper English

"OH MY-"

The shout is loud enough to wake you up. You glance at the clock and groan, it's early but just late enough that you should have been up awhile ago if you wanted to get ready enough to function. With a groan and a sigh, you Papyrus off you, ignoring his dramatic grabby fingers as you stumble out of bed. Stealing a shirt you manage to be functional enough to go downstairs and see what happened to Sans. 

It almost makes you wish you stayed in bed because the smell hits you first and your eyes fully open, picking up the pace but pausing to sneeze as you enter the kitchen. There are no words from you but you see Sans, covered in milk? He is dabbing his face with a napkin and looking both irate and contrite.

"I TRIED."

You open your mouth and close it several times.

"To what? Set off a bomb?"

"NO TO-OH, YOU'RE JOKING." His flush deepens as he begins to clean up the mess, and you move to help him but you can't help but stare in awe. You're pretty sure there's tea on the ceiling. "I WAS TRYING TO SURPRISE YOU WITH MORNING TEA."

You bite back any jokes, knowing it will only annoy him. And if if the aggressive tossing of paper towels is any indication, he's two seconds away from a meltdown. "Okay...what kind?"

"A LODON FOG LATTE. I HEARD IT TASTES LIKE CEREAL AND I WOULD RATHER HAVE YOU DRINK TEA THAN EAT WHATEVER A MARSHMALLOW ACTUALLY IS."

Now you can't stop your laughter. He's not wrong, the tea does taste like a little bit like cereal but he seems terribly offended by cereal and it's not something you would have pegged him for. Not to mention you can see a pot hiding under the table and you want to ask but you also really don't. It's sweet that he tried, and you shuffle over to him through your laughter to press your lips to his cheek.

"It's the thought that counts."

"IT ISN'T JUST THOUGHT. I _DID_ MAKE SOME...IT'S JUST..."

"All over your face?"

"YES. THAT." This time you press your lips to his chin, where some of it is falling off then quickly lip his cheek before he can realize what you're doing. "YOU LICKED ME!"

"Mhmm." You hum as you taste the bit of latte you salvaged. It isn't bad, sweet enough to probably send you into cardiac arrest but somehow that makes it cuter. He really has no idea what he was doing. "Tastes good but for future reference...why don't we let me make the tea?"

"I WILL FIGURE IT OUT."

He's stubborn but the skeleton sounds far more pleased than he had been a few moments ago, and you both continue to clean in relative silence. You're almost finished by the time Papyrus comes down, takes one look at it and-

"Nope."

Just like that the taller skeleton is gone. You laugh because the kitchen is mostly clean now and it can't be that bad but it fades when you see why he'd fled. Sans has the steamer on the table again and-

"...how much tea did you buy?"

"MUFFET HAS TOLD ME TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU WILL NOW BE HAVING RESTRICTIONS ON THE AMOUNT ONE CAN BUY IN BULK."

"Of course she did." You hesitate to ask because you think you know the answer. "Am I showing you how to make it?"

"YES."

At least you'll enjoy it. Probably. You gaze flits to your good pots, safely out of Sans hands until he masters it, and probably forever because you really don't like people messing with your pots anyway. Resigned happily to your fate you sit across from him and begin to explain how to make the drink.

* * *

If someone had told you the intelligent skeleton would be so bad at making tea you wouldn't have believed them. Papyrus had a better grasp and he drank it once in a blue moon. Speaking of blue...

"Tea is kind of like baking, so if you're good at cooking, baking might not be your thing when it's precise. Cause you can't really fixed burned tea...or sugar...and the steamer might be done for."

"WE NEEDED A NEW ONE ANYWAY."

You don't remind him that it was brand new, just sip the latest cup of tea to smother your smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will preface this with how much I adore lattes. I really do, and this particular one always tastes a bit like cereal to me (I blame the syrup). Also that this end note is stupidly long and I regret nothing, also here is my [tumblr](http://howwhenwhatwherewho.tumblr.com/), where I follow other people and will be posting updates of anything I do fic wise, asks are open for whatever.
> 
> Today's tea:
> 
> London Fog Latte (aka Earl Grey with Lavender, milk, and vanilla syrup)
> 
> Early Grey is one of the most popular teas, it is a black tea flavored with bergamot oil, and assumed to be named after a British Prime Minister in the 1830s. It is a citrusy and a fairly robust black tea. The citrus taste comes from both the way the black tea is prepared and the bergamot oil, which comes from a the bergamot orange. It pairs nicely with lavender (or any of the more floral teas to soften the tart edges). Depending on your preference teas will either include lavender or you can add separately. 
> 
> In general latte's can be cold or hot but are generally made with steamed milk, and pro-tip? If you don't have a steamer warm it on the stove then whisk or (if you're lazy like me) shake some milk in a mason jar then nuke it in the microwave, viola, foam and hot milk! Just mind the foam doesn't explode in the microwave, it's the actual worst to clean.
> 
> Ceramic pots?
> 
> When making English tea, because of the way it is done, I often prefer ceramic. Why? Because it has both low heat transfer, maintains a stable temperature well, and can handle higher heats which is perfect for the robust black teas favored in English tea. As well as the high boil that is often used when making English style tea. Remember not to use delicate or thin ceramic pots or non-heat-proofed glass, they will 100% crack or shatter.
> 
> English Tea and the Modern Proper Cuppa
> 
> English tea is usually considered much stronger than American tea (I'm honestly not sure what the public thinks in general of English tea vs any other country's tea), they tend to drink far more black teas (as opposed to the chilled white and green teas popular in the States) and steep them heavily with boiled water. To smooth out this taste, milk and sugar/syrup are commonly added but not required. Though there is the ever famous Builders Brew, which depending on who you ask could mean anything strong tea (concentrate) or a concentrated tea with a ridiculous amount of milk and sugar. 
> 
> To make a tea English style, it is usually done with a bag tea and per cup (though not always). Place the bag in your cup, boil your water in a kettle until it's roiling then simply pour over the tea bag. Leave the cup to steep for 2-5 minutes then add your milk or sugar or both! This process is the same if you use loose leaf teas as well, except you strain your tea when pouring and usually warm the pot first.
> 
> Did you know?
> 
> There are debated reasons why people put milk in tea, especially in the UK. The most common is thought to be to prevent the fine china from cracking when adding the water, so they added milk first (mind you, this has created a whole science in and of itself, milk before or after). Some think it was a class thing, and others say it is just because it tastes good, some say the idea was taken from China. To be honest, I've no idea and it tastes delicious either way!
> 
> George Orwell
> 
> All of these debates over tea, even the famous author published a paper in 1946 on the proper way to prepare tea. If you've the mind, go find it and give it a look.


	5. A Latte Art

The wind raged agains the glass windows, at odds with the bright sun. It kept it from being too warm and kept it from being too busy, people were more likely to get blown away than stop for tea. Not that it stopped a certain lanky skeleton from sitting there all day. Today he had a crossword, hunched over it quietly for the last hour or two, four bottles of empty honey at the counter near him. Usually you'd have thrown the bottles by now, refilling as soon as he'd emptied on but today you were preoccupied yourself. 

Today you would make latte art. 

Or you were trying.

Chai had seemed the best bet, a darker tea and if you steamed the milk just right you had more than enough from to try and make a simple leaf. Your first attempt had failed abysmally even if it had been delicious. As such, your half of the counter looked no better, three empty mugs in front of you, the shop relatively quiet save for the wind beating endlessly against the store.

"Four letter word for frolic."

"Jump?"

"Nah."

"Leap?"

"Starts with R."

"Romp?"

"Thanks, honey."

"Your-damn it!"

With a huff you crankily begin to sip the tea, your stomach beginning to slosh a bit uncomfortably as you down yet another cup. Your glad Muffet isn't there to murder you for wasting supplies but is it really a waste if you're drinking it? Probably. With a sigh you slide over another bottle of honey to the skeleton, taking a break from prepping another cup. It had looked so easy on the video but either you were incompetent or the video was lying about the ease. You were leaning towards the video being full of lies. 

You were debating giving up as you finally threw out the empty honey bottles and went to wash your used cups, still muttering to yourself darkly when you heard the skeleton cough. You turned with an brow raised. As many times as he'd come in, you'd thought you'd moved passed the coughing when he needs something stage. But he waved you over with a boney finger and gestured to last clean cup on the counter.

"Lemme try."

You glance around. There's no one else there, and you aren't really sure what the spider monster would deny her favorite (or was it her least favorite?) customer. Figuring he can't do any worse than you, you steam the milk and then slide him the tea with a shrug. 

"Have at it." The minute he picks it up, easy and smooth, you feel betrayed. Conned even. Because his motions are just like the videos, smooth, easy, and you can see a picture forming but you tear your gaze away to glare at his smug face. Shocked and not even bothering to hide your jealousy, you point an accusing finger. "How?!"

He snickers a bit then shrugs, "What can I say? I have a latte of tricks up my sleeve that you don't know about."

He slides the cup over then stands up with a wave, the best goodbye you'd ever get out of him. As he leaves you finally look down at the art properly, half tempted to flip the cup until you note the heart in the foam. It's already warping so if your cheeks flush and you stare at it stupidly for several minutes (well after the art has faded from the cup) before drinking, well, it's only you and the wind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For todays tea:
> 
> Chai (Latte)
> 
> There are different kinds of chai, some of the best is Masala Chai (in my opinon) but it's hard to find a good one in the states. Chai itself is a mix of black teas or a specific one (Assam is popular) or sometimes green teas, and spices that vary by where it's made.
> 
> Since there is a huge variation in how it's made, the only real common factor is the spice, all chai's have a yummy spice which make them excellent drinks on cold days. And not all chai's have to be lattes but it is the most common way they are drank, think of it as the hot coco of teas!
> 
> When making lattes, I always prefer concentrates. Making a tea concentrate at home is simple! 
> 
> What's Latte Art?
> 
> So long as you got the froth, you can make the art! Latte art has been around in the states since the 80s and has gone from the more simple swirls to entire picture scapes. It's done via free pouring but people also etch (usually done with a utensil). How long the art last depends on so many things there really isn't any guarantee but it's so damn pretty <3
> 
> Why Latte Art?
> 
> Tea has a lot to do with presentation. Latte art is one simple way to both boost seasoning (with cinnamon, etc) and present it in a less formal setting. For people who don't love tea ceremonies themselves, it's something to spruce up your tea game. 
> 
> Fun fact
> 
> Chai tea originally did not have Camellia sinensis in it! That was a later addition, though the specifics are not known to me.
> 
> Other notes:
> 
> With the COVID-19 out and about, I know a lot of people are in self-isolation (aka quarantine, aka my usual life),, and for those not used to it, I know it can be hard. My advice is stick to your routine as much as possible, exercise at home if exercise is your jam, if you can do small work things from home, do them! Pick up a new hobby, etc. Try not to over focus on binge watching tv (unless that's your jam) because the boredom can drive you nuts! 
> 
> And check out my [CYOA for Undertale](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23075503/chapters/55220812), that I released early as something to do while we are all being home potatoes together :D


	6. Smoked Out

You might be an idiot.

"Is something burning?"

"I think there's a fire nearby."

"The shop seems a little stuffy today.

"Do you do open fires here?"

"Ma'am, we've had a complaint. You do know non-permitted burnings are illegal, right?"

Muffet laughed her laugh that said she was about to send them into the basement to never be seen again. Which was a threat she handed out often but you'd never seen her follow through with it...yet. And you were not about to test her on it.

"Of course not, officer." Her smile widened, showing off teeth and the human took a step back. You took one forward but then she turned it to you. You were so, so dead. "See this idiot here? This is my...unfortunate employee who wanted to try making a tea. Obviously, they are awful and it and _will not be doing it again in my shop_.

"Nope! Never again!"

"I'll...take your word for it but it does smell strong in here, we'll ask you to open the windows for safety reasons."

"You'll be happy to, won't you?"

You'd already hopped around the counter to begin opening them, which you should have done earlier but the look on her face when she'd walked in earlier had damn near incinerated you on the spot. When Muffet had given you permission to try making your own tea, this was clearly not what she had in mind. It wasn't what you'd had in mind either, you just wanted to try the tea and Muffet didn't have any. You rubbed a tired hand down your face as you opened the last window, almost shrieking when her voice came from behind you.

"I'm going to get air purifiers, you watch the shop." Her smile was dangerous, and her hand on your shoulder was the opposite of comforting. "Try not to burn it down while I'm gone."

Oh yeah, she was going to kill you.

"SHE'S GOING TO KILL YOU."

Did you say that out loud?

You turned to see Sans leaning against the entrance to the shop waving to Muffet cheerfully as she left but staring into the slightly cloudy interior and an odd expression on his face. Was it amazement? Shock? The badly stifled urge to laugh? You cough embarrassedly then looked away, hurrying back over to the counter.

"It was an accident."

"WAS IT?"

You wave him closer, maybe if you convince him to pay Papyrus tab then she wouldn't kill you and use your spare parts for tea and cookies. "Yes, I was trying to make tea."

"WITH FIRE?"

"No! I was...smoking it."

"WELL, I RECOMMEND OUTSIDE NEXT TIME."

Okay, maybe you were a bit of an idiot. 

"I didn't think it'd do this! It got busy," you muttered, face flushing as you made his usual order. "And then I forgot about it." You coughed again, not subtle in the least as you rang up his order. "So...Papyrus hasn't come in today."

He doesn't bother to hide his laughter now, loud and boisterous, and you're tempted to add sweetener to his tea so he'll hate it but then he takes pity on you. His expression even odder than before but his cheeks are flushed. You want to ask how his cheeks even do that but you always find your own cheeks echoing his, and now you can't even look at him as you give the total. "I WILL PAY MY BROTHER'S TAB TO PREVENT YOU FROM BEING FED TO MUFFET'S PET."

"Really?!"

"OF COURSE, I WOULDN'T WANT MY DATEMATE TO DIE BEFORE OUR SECOND DATE."

"Oh goo-datemate? Datemate!"

Nope. You're a hundred percent an idiot but you can't seem to get any other words out as your lips flap uselessly, especially not when he leans over the counter as he slaps the bills in your hand. His teeth pressing to your cheek briefly as he steals the tea and slips back out with a jaunty goodbye.

It takes several moments for you to move again, and when you do, your hand touches your cheek throughout the rest of the day followed by the most idiotic smile you'd ever worn.

Oh.

And Muffet doesn't kill you when she comes back.

At least, not yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For today's tea:
> 
> Smokey Tea or Lapsang souchong
> 
> A black tea from China but instead of just being dried, it is also smoked in various ways to garner a smokey flavor. If campfire had a taste and the taste was delicious, it would be any of the smokey teas. Plenty of people also compare it to smooth whiskey! And while it is traditionally smoked for flavor, some teas are artificially flavored and it is...not pleasant to say the least. 
> 
> Temp: 80-90C or 176-194F
> 
> Sweeteners: I wouldn't. If you do, honey usually tastes best but the strong crisp taste paired with the smoke mean it usually gives a weird after taste. 
> 
> Steep time: 2 and 1/2 minutes
> 
> Most teas will give you instructions on the back but these are some average ranges for it and the two and half minute steep time is actually considered a "sweet spot" for most smokey teas.
> 
> Vs Russian Caravan Tea
> 
> A different type of smoked tea that contains Lapsang souchong, Keemun, and usually Oolong (sometimes it doesn't even add smokey tea). Far sweeter than just Lapsang souchong and more malty. If smokey is the campfire, then caravan tea is the roasted marshmallows. 
> 
> What to eat with it?
> 
> Meats! Preferably meats from pig (ham, bacon, pork, ribs, sausage, etc) and if you like it sweet and savory, put honey on your meat and when paired with the tea = divine. I'm partial to pork buns with it myself. But this tea is a great dinner tea because it pairs so well with other savory foods. 
> 
> Legend of the Smokey Tea 
> 
> There are variations but basically: A tea trader was trying to preserve the tea leaves and dry them faster before they went bad and it lead to Lapsang souchong.
> 
> Other Notes
> 
> Do not, seriously, do not try to smoke your own tea at home if you've no idea what you're doing. IT WAS A DISASTER. So, obviously this chapter is based on real events because my house smelled like a bonfire for days. Which might not be so bad except I smoked the house out and I have pets so, not great.


	7. Health-tea Diet

You paced the stairs, unsure of what to do with yourself but you didn't want to go in and bug the sleeping skeleton. Still, waiting on Sans was near torture as another cough came from the closed door. You made a face and glanced at your phone, still seeing no response just the simple 'read' message on the screen. Unable to just sit anymore you made your way to the kitchen and flung open the cabinets. 

So what if skeletons had different--did they have any real anatomy? They were _bone_!--anatomy didn't mean a herbal tea would help. Right? But there was no one to ask as you grabbed your kettle, foot tapping a bit impatiently right as the door swung open. 

"HUMAN? NO NEED TO WORRY! I HAVE BROUGHT THE MEDICINE." You heard the thumping as he made his way up the stairs, skipping several then heard the tell-tale thud of the door hitting the wall as he opened it with far too quickly. There was a hushed chatter drifting as you added the water to the cup, tension easing now that Sans was there, at least, until he popped in holding out a candy triumphantly. "I'VE ALREADY BEEN UPSTAIRS TO GIVE SOME TO PAPY."

"Sans...that's candy."

"YES?"

"How does that help exactly?"

"OH! I FORGOT, YOU WOULDN'T KNOW BUT THIS IS MONSTER CANDY, IT HEALS EVERYTHING!"

"Candy."

"YES."

"...I'm going to buy some medicine after I give him the tea, this should help."

"HUMAN, DEAREST, I AM TELLING YOU THIS WORKS."

You stared at him and then grabbed the tea trying not to make a face. You knew tea and he knew monster medicine. But knowing it was candy made it hard to think it helped. All you could think was cavities and maybe a less sore throat. Sans followed close your heels and took the cup gently as you almost splashed some on the first step.

"I ASSURE YOU I HAVE TAKEN CARE OF PAPY WHEN HE IS SICK MANY TIMES."

"I know but it'll make me feel better?"

"IF YOU CAN GET HIM TO DRINK IT." Sans said, unwrapping a candy deftly and plunking it into the tea. He winked at you. "SWEETENER FOR THE BIG BABY."

"Can't hurt." The relief came back but it still made you feel strange to think the monsters could get sick. "Candy can't work any weirder than tea."

"IS IT NOT MEDICINE."

"Close, herbal tea. It's meant to help and can but it's not really a replacement."

"THEN WHY BOTHER?"

"Tastes good."

"It doesn't and both of you shut up." 

The lanky skeleton moaned as you both entered the room, covering his face with the pillow. He sounded better than he had when he'd woken but still groggy, the tang of his magic staining the air and wrapping around the fumes of the tea. 

"DON'T BE RUDE."

"Shh and cuddles."

"I HAVE WORK."

"I'm sick."

With a snort Sans set down the tea on the bedside and wrapped an arm around your waist before tossing you on the bed then curling himself around you both. You yelped but got comfortable quickly enough, pressing a hand to Papyrus forehead. "You should drink the tea when you can."

"HE'S PLAYING YOU, IT ONLY TAKES ONE OR TWO CANDIES."

"Shhh. Less talk about tea. More cuddles."

"Papyru--"

"Cuddles." The skeleton murmured with a cheeky grin and you swatted him gently for worrying you before snuggling in with them. You knew once you passed out Sans would likely head back to work but knowing everyone was fine finally made the restless jitters die down enough for you relax. You made a mental not to make the taller skeleton drink the tea later anyway. Punishment for wasting perfectly good leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: This chapter is insanely short even by this fic standards but I'm trying to get into the swing of writing again and I really wanted to get the chapter out for my lovely friend on her birthday, however short, love you Kimi! <#
> 
> For today's tea:
> 
> Rooibos or Red Bush Tea
> 
> A herbal tea (infusion or tinsane, however you prefer) made from the South African Rooibos bush. There are actually two types, the traditional "red" tea that is made via fermentation and is incredibly sweet for a tea. It also pairs well with all sweeteners (in my opinion). It's a fairly popular drink for health reasons but also because it is very low in tannins and caffeine, meaning it appeals to people who like softer, sweet teas. But mind, it is an herbal tea so it does carry that herbal flavor (or as I like to call it, medicinal).
> 
> Vs Green Rooibos
> 
> The second type of Rooibos is what more people are familiar with in tea, having a more malty, grassy taste. They are not fermented (much like green tea) and the process means it is usually twice the price of Red Rooibos, and not as sweet. 
> 
> History of Rooibos
> 
> It's actually a relatively "new" tea even if the herb is not (the herbs has been used to centuries) and only came into commercial existence in the early 1900s though it's earliest starting point was in the late 1700s. It actually grew in popularity due to World War II making it very hard to import tea from other countries but it was also an expensive plant to grow as it wasn't native. In 1968, Annique Theron wrote a book on the herbal properties of the rooibos. After that, it boomed again and since has enjoyed a fairly popular spot among the herbal teas, and is considered a staple tea in South Africa. 
> 
> Potential Health Benefits
> 
> Rooibos tea has gained popularity for it's softer flavor but also the potential health benefits, such as cholesterol management, weight management, and a ton of antioxidants. I mention potential because these were all small studies that, to my knowledge, are not being actively researched. It has a fairly large list of other benefits as well but I didn't list those as those ones were not studied at all (such as allergies, digestion, etc).
> 
> Herbal Teas and Health Benefits
> 
> There are plenty of studies on plenty of teas with proven results, and plenty of claims that may or may not be true. That said, if it works, great and if it doesn't it's tea so there are really no downsides to drinking a good cup, like anything it just provides a good well-rounded diet and you can't go wrong with that. That said there are dangerous combinations (some real nasty diet teas out there) so if you do like teas for a cold or stomach aches or what have you, just mind you know what you're drinking. If you're curious about more, the following herbal teas have the most research done (and this doesn't include standard, black, green or white teas):
> 
> Chamomile  
> Echinacea  
> Hibiscus  
> Rooibos
> 
> And there are other teas but those ones are the most common findings. You could probably also hit up a local herb/tea shop to learn some as well!


End file.
